


July

by untokki



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon, M/M, not a broken ending, why does yixing cry so much in my writing oop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 00:25:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12047463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untokki/pseuds/untokki
Summary: "Talking 'til the morning,we don't need any sleep.I hate it when we go to work."





	July

**Author's Note:**

> everything i write at midnight involves yixing crying too much
> 
> anyway, i love canonverse fanxing

_✹ – long before 2012_  
The night held so much meaning between the two. It was night when they first met, when Yixing's face plummeted into Yifan's chest when he walked up the stairs in the company building, his eyes down and watching as his feet scaled each step. Yifan could feel a heat creeping onto his cheeks when he stumbled back on the stairs' landing, staring down at the shorter teenager, who was rubbing his nose. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his eyes still on the floor below.  
"Are you a trainee?" Yifan asked, taking a step back to put some distance between them. Yixing finally looked up, a smile on his pink lips, and nodded. The dimple that dug a mine through his cheek made Yifan smile back. "My name is Yixing," the shorter boy said, jutting out his hand in request for a handshake. Yifan welcomed it, the other's hand dainty compared to his own, with long fingers and delicate bones, it was a feeling he could get used to. "You're Chinese," came Yifan's reply.  
Yixing chuckled and took his hand away, and Yifan suddenly missed the warm weight. "Shouldn't you tell me your name before we start a conversation?"  
"Oh, it's Yifan."  
"Where are you from, Yifan?"

It was a simple start to a friendship, like any other one that Yifan had initiated, but there was something more to Yixing. Yifan couldn't place it, but his heart always wanted to leap from his chest when Yixing smiled, and his hand always gravitated towards the heat of the other's body. It wasn't long before Yifan realized, Yixing meant more to him than just a friend.

_✹ – 2013_

“You did really great tonight, Yixing,” Yifan complimented as they walked into the hotel room, both of them removing their shoes before retiring to their respective beds. Yixing turned onto his side, his chin resting on his folded arms as he looked across to Yifan. “I almost bumped into Luhan during Mama. Then, we were standing too close together. I almost missed one of the-”  
“You do this whenever I compliment your performance, stop it,” Yifan groaned, rolling onto his stomach and letting the pillow smother his face. He was thankful to have removed his makeup as soon as the show ended.  
“I always criticize myself. You know that.”  
“You don't need to do it so often. You're honestly really great, Yixing,” Yifan muttered, stealing a glance at the younger. He fell silent and turned his head back into the pillow when he found Yixing staring at him.  
“You really think so?” Yixing asked a few moments later, after the shuffling of bedsheets and the sudden dip near Yifan’s legs. Yifan wasn't surprised to find Yixing had migrated to his bed, and he let out a noise to agree with his statement. “You're too nice to me, Yifan.”  
Yifan finally turned onto his back, sitting up to lean against the headboard. “You're too harsh on yourself, so I need to be nice to you.”  
Yixing nodded, pulling his knees to his chest as he stared out through the glass balcony doors. In the distance, over the city, fireworks still brightened the night sky. It was only the fourth hour of the new year, and people were still awake to celebrate the coming of 2013. “Time moves so fast,” Yixing announced softly, just as Yifan settled next to him to look out into the dark world as well. “It feels like yesterday that I left Changsha.”  
“You're right. I can't believe it's already 2013.”  
“Did people celebrate with fireworks to New Year's in Canada?”  
“Yeah, some people went all out.”  
Yixing shifted, his hands resting on his bent knees and his chin falling to rest on his knuckles. “Have you ever gotten a New Year's kiss?” he whispered.  
The elder glanced at him, “No, have you?”  
He shook his head gently. Then, it fell silent between them. Yifan turned back to the balcony, the darkness overtaking the city once again. It left a blue glow over the hotel room, and Yifan could see the silver light glowing on his outstretched legs. “Yifan,” Yixing whispered, and he spoke too fast for Yifan to turn to look at him, “Can you be my first kiss this year?”

_✹ – 2014_

"You're leaving?" Yixing whispered, the question coming out more like a statement. The younger man stood at the door, his eyes wavering so he wouldn't have to look at the other. Even in the cool light of the moon and the dark shadows of the room, Yifan could see the deep frown on his face. "You're leaving," Yixing repeated, "And you didn't even tell me?"  
Yifan remained silent, continuing to pack away the few things he actually cared to take. He only looked at Yixing when he had entered, and shied away in fear of seeing that frown again.  
"You told Luhan. You weren't even planning to tell me, were you?"  
Yifan's hands shook as he zipped the backpack closed.  
"Wu Yifan, you better answer me," Yixing's voice was angrier than Yifan had ever thought it could be. He flinched at it and turned, his eyes locking with Yixing's long enough to see the tears forming in the younger's eyes.  
"I didn't tell you because I knew how you would react. I guess the tears were inevitable."  
Yixing rubbed his eye with the back of his hand at the moment Yifan said that, sniffling gently as he turned to open the door. Yifan stopped him, a hand on his wrist, before Yixing jerked away. "Baby, I-" Yifan started.  
"Don't call me that," Yixing murmured. "Just leave me alone. Just leave."  
"Yixing, please don't act like this."  
"I thought I was important enough to be told something like this. You were planning to walk out on us, and not even tell your _boyfriend_?" Yixing seemed to spit the word as he stared up at the elder, his cheeks slick as tears rolled quickly down. "I understand what you're going through better than anyone. Better than _you_ , probably. We've told each other everything, Yifan."  
"Yixing..." Yifan whispered, one hand coming up to cup the younger's cheek while the other reached for his hand. Yixing pulled his arm away before he could make contact, but Yifan's thumb still wiped through the tears. "If you know me so well, then you know why I couldn't say anything."  
The way Yixing stared into his eyes made Yifan feel like a villain. His eyes were as red as the heart Yifan felt he was breaking. He could see his reflection in Yixing's pupils, and only hoped that the younger still loved what he was looking at. "You told Luhan."  
"Yixing, please, I-"  
Yixing backed away and let Yifan's hand fall off his cheek. He turned and opened the door, his eyes casted down to the floor as the hinges creaked in the night. "I'm going to sleep on the couch."  
The last glimpse that Yifan caught of the younger's eyes told him, that all the love was gone.

_✹ – 2015_

Yixing could only try to suppress a scoff when he watched that scene of Yifan kissing a girl. It was only like this the first time though, as he couldn't keep himself from rewinding it and watching with a frown once again. It was a real kiss, no matter if it was supposed to be acting. It was a real kiss, between Yifan and someone he didn't love, and that was what made tears suddenly fall down Yixing’s cheeks without him even realizing it.

It was months after that movie came out before Yixing could look at a photo of his ex-boyfriend with a straight face again. It didn't help when he suddenly saw that face when scrolling through his social media, and he suddenly felt a heat roll through his body. It wasn't like the pleasant warmth Yixing once felt, like when he curled up against Yifan during their sleep; it was the angry heat he felt on that warm May night. He tossed his phone onto his mattress and shut his eyes to erase Yifan’s face from his mind, at least for a moment.

Yixing’s eyes were snapping closed by the time the moon was high in the black sky, and sleep was finally going to take him until his cellphone vibrated loudly against his leg. He jumped and grabbed it, and the message that greeted him on the bright screen made everything around him stop. He opened Weibo and came face to face with it.

_Mr_凡先生: How are you?_

Be a good person, Yixing, he told himself, breathing deeply. It's been over a year.

_努力努力再努力x: Good, what about you?_

_Mr_凡先生: Good, too._

_Mr_凡先生: Yixing, I miss you._

_Mr_凡先生: I think about you too much still. I don't think I've gone a day without thinking about you. I don't want what happened in the past to get in the way of us. Our work has caused us to hate each other, and I hate that._

_Mr_凡先生: Please, if you ever come back to China, I want to apologize for anything I've said or done that may have upset you, in person. I want to make it all up to you. Even if we come out of it as just friends again, I'll be happy._

The sobs shuttered through Yixing’s body, and he clutched his phone as a whimper rang out of his throat. He missed Yifan so, so much, that getting a message like that hurt him. He longed for Yifan’s arms to wrap around him when he was in a state of such distress, for Yifan’s lips to kiss away each tear and for Yifan’s fingers to sooth him in all the right places. His own fingers shook as he breathed out his mouth, trying to steady himself and write a legible reply.

_努力努力再努力x: I want to see you as soon as I can._

A day in July, Yixing was met with a hug from a man he hadn't touched in a year. His tears fell onto Yifan’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his back, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes screwed shut by the time Yifan pulled away. “Yixing, you're literally sobbing,” Yifan murmured, his thumbs coming up to rub at his dripping cheeks.  
“I missed you, Yifan,” Yixing cried out, his hands scrambling for Yifan’s. He pulled them and held them to his own heart, his tears never clearing and still running freely down his face. “Please don't leave me again.”  
“I won't, Yixing. I won't.”

_✹ – 2016_

“Go to sleep, Yifan,” Yixing whined into the speaker after he checked the time in California. “Why are you still up?”  
“Because you're up,” came the elder’s reply, and Yixing could almost see the gummy smile on Yifan's lips.  
“That's not a good enough reason.”  
“But the real reason is supposed to be a surprise.”  
Yixing thought for a moment, his fingers tapping against the edge of the laptop perched on his lap, absently playing the notes to his newest song in time with the beating of his nails. “You're in California, are you recording a song?”  
“Ah, I've been found out. That's the only spoiler you get, though.”  
“That's not even a spoiler.”  
Yifan chuckled, “I don't need any sleep, by the way. I could talk to you until the morning.”

Yixing let out a laugh when Yifan requested to be on a call when the younger first listened to his new song. “You said it's in English,” Yixing stated, finding the video at the top of Yifan’s Youku channel.  
“You'll understand it. If you don't, I'll translate it,” Yifan said simply.  
Yixing almost didn't catch what the other said as he stared at the words on the screen. “‘July’? Yifan, I-”  
“It's about you.”  
Yixing silently pressed play, and watched. With every lyric, he felt as if his heart skipped a beat. With every view of Yifan, he felt himself falling in love all over again. By the time it was over, he felt his breath was irregular. “Did you like it?” he heard Yifan shyly ask over the phone.  
“Why did you write this?” Yixing asked softly, already going to watch it a second time.  
“I told you I would make it up to you.”  
“I thought you meant through asking me out again."  
“No. I wanted to really make it up to you, Yixing. I wanted to show you what's happened since I left. I wouldn't be able to have a career on my own like this. I wouldn't be able to write ‘July’. I think, in the end, it's better like this,” Yifan paused, as if he was waiting for a response, “Yixing?”  
“I really love you, Yifan.”


End file.
